Sick As A Parrot

Not every team has one and I'm fortunate in that very few of the teams I've been on has had one. However when we have pickup games, due to breaks between seasons or public holidays meaning that attendances would be low, I've had this misfortune to have one on my team with startling regularity. There's this particular type of bloke, always a bloke since it's not a co-ed team, who, through genetics, habit or an unseen force anointing him, takes it upon himself to vociferously tell his team mates what to do. That's great you say because communication on the pitch is hugely effective in a team game. Absolutely, I'll concede but I'd like to see some level of correlation between said blokes instructions and his own ability. Screaming 'CONTROL!' at some poor sap at the point at which he would have done something reasonable with ball only then to be startled like a 3 year old with a jack-in-the-box is not really contributing to the team. Even better ...