Sick As A Parrot

He never made it, didn't stand a chance. I was the last to see him and he look great, normal, happy even. Giving the big up about coming along for one last effort. Poor bastard never stood (pun intended) a chance but he made a brave show of it. We had the ceremonial rolling up the trouser leg, the un-informed medical diagnosis, the what-if's, the maybes and then even the pathetic offer to be last man in our line of defense. But all along we knew he wasn't going to make for the last game of the season. Idiot didn't put ice on it like we told him. No he thought he knew better. He shunned the magic sponge and water treatment and decided to go it alone and hope for the best. A week later the ankle is still twice its normal size. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Here's how the mate's code of mate-hood works. When we lose one then we all pitch in double for him coz our mate would appreciate that. Even if your mate is a daft moron who doesn't put ice on a turned ankle. Some...

I mean who in their right mind has the cheek to exercise their dogs in a dog park. Add to that the bare face arrogance of screaming hysterically at the aforementioned footballer when all he was doing was innocently retrieving (see what I did there - stayed with the dog theme quite nicely) a ball that flew into said exercise yard. Ok maybe closing the gate wasn't the first thing on his mind esp. with 21 other blokes plus subs watching and waiting to get on with the game. But COME ON LADY, GIVE ME A FRIGGIN BREAK! Something like might have been the response but hey this is all second hand knowledge to me so the details might not be too accurate. We are open for any other suggestions that would be either more appropriate or an educated guess as to what was actually said. Bottom line: if you take 1 old lady, her dogs and a surly footballer and put this lethal combination in any kind of close proximity in the time space continuum I guess you're just asking for trouble.

Never a truer word spoken or rather a phrase uttered. 4 zip down at halftime and the game ended 4 - 1. Close or what? Probably what but here's the thing that does your nuts in: Phil hit the crossbar twice and James hits the post from a corner. Add in the numerous other decent chances and a smattering of some almost decent ones and we were a little aggrieved not to have at least drawn. The big lesson learned, and you young-uns should take notice, never execute a back heel into the path of the attacker whilst 6 feet from you own goal and not giving anyone else on your team any kind of warning. Fred is rock at the back and constantly has a go at me for trying to dribble out of defense. He's right of course; the first job of a defender is to stop goals not to lay on perfect passes to attackers by back heeling into their paths. That was the second time I failed to hack the ball out and the previous time it also led to a goal so I guess I get two assists. I'll get the hang of thi...