Sick As A Parrot

[Note: This weeks post comes courtesy of the sartorially gifted Martin] So there comes a time for every team - when they have to take to the field without their talismanic leader - Celtic without Larsson, ManU without Keane, Arsenal without Viera and on this Sunday ... Team-B8 without Kimbo! Yes unfortunately our coach/coordinator was unavailable. So the team took to the field lacking the inspirational belief embodied in our very own Roberto Carlos!. It should also be noted that we were a depleted force with no subs a few borrowed ringers and no chance of the periodic five minute breaks that normally accompany our coordinator's defensive clearances - as one of our team typically takes that much time to fetch the ball from the adjacent zip code! The first half saw a good number of chances spurned at both ends due to a combination of pirouette-style finishing, excessive greed in attack, and sniper-sized sand-pits as well as B-3's tendency to focus more on protesting infringements...

I was involved in a game on Sunday that was one of the most one-sided games I've have ever witnessed. One sided not because the opposition were rubbish rather because it was a game in which everything came together. Precision passing, pacy overlaps, unexpected goals and individual flair. A symbiotic relationship built on mutual needs of the team and the individual, where the sum of the parts exceeded the whole or something like that. A game played in the manner of how football should be played. A game for the purists. I can't claim to have played a major part in the game but just being there is sometimes enough. About 6 hours after that game I got up off the couch and headed out to join up with Martin and the lads for our Sunday hack around. I wouldn't say we were inspired by demolition job Arsenal did on Reading but our game mirrored the earlier game in at least one aspect. It was so one sided that we played most of the game in the opposition half. Martin put on one of his...

Martin was recently voted best dressed man around these parts. I mention this not because I'm jealous, however I will concede that perhaps deep in my psyche maybe I am, but that he joyfully announced this fact to me in person. He did the classic 'but I think you should have won' routine which is the ultimate rubbing your face in it. This routine is best employed when your team soundly thrashes another, preferably your mates, and you both know it. It allows you to appear to be acting in a totally sporting fashion but inside there's a brass band and ticker tape parade going on. What has all this got to do with the game this weekend? - good question and the answer is probably nothing except that having won 3 - 0 at a canter we probably could have trotted out the above routine except that the game was more one sided than the score suggests. This kinda crosses the line of decency. In addition Phil, James and Paul unfortunately were not amongst the opponents so the effect wou...

I was playing at left back and in my fantasy I'm an Ashley Cole or Roberto Carlos type defender. This means being light on the heavy defending stuff but having a penchant for bombing forward up the wing exchanging one-twos with the left midfielder. Having set the expectations here's what unfolded... Picking up the ball somewhere deep in our half, via an interception or a lucky bounce but definitely not from a crunching tackle, I set off up the pitch. For some reason the way I was moving and/or the position I picked up the ball meant I had a clear run up the wing till somewhere inside the oppositions half. I lack subtly so I'm bombing up the wing at pretty much full speed and now find myself get deeper into the opposition half with one of their mid-fielders attempting to close me down. He in an inside position and as I go past him and he turns to give chase. OK now I'm haring forward at full speed, I've overtaken all my team mates and can hear the footsteps and brea...

In brief: The opposition take a goal kick and I'm standing near the halfway line as the ball comes towards me. In a rare moment of thinking of doing something and it actually working I head the ball sideways to Martin. Normally heading the ball leaves me in a state of borderline concussion because I pretty rubbish at it, however this time I'm still standing and clear headed and I marvel as the move unfolded. Martin does some flash stuff with his feet, like putting one foot in front of the other, and moves forward with the ball before pinging a pass out to Pawel who is on the right wing. Pawel advances down the wing and sends in a cross to Ronaldo who has taken up a position outside the six yard area about level with the left hand post and hanging off the back of the defenders. The ball sails over the defenders and finds Ronaldo perfectly but the defenders react and attempt to close him down. Not wasting time to trap the ball Ronaldo executes a low scything scissor kick, wit...

Sometimes when it rains it pours. Sometimes so much happens you don't where to begin. Sunday yielded a veritable goldmine of material for this weeks posting and it all started before the game even began. My chauffeur rocks up to my place at around 8:10 for our 8:30 kickoff. Martin, you may recall, wears white boots and is the subject of some ridicule amongst the rank and file. Here's the rule: when you're good enough you can be flash otherwise stick with the basic tried and true gear. I'll let others decide if he can get away with wearing boots outside the norm. Anyway apparently he needed new boots so imagine my horror when he proudly displayed his brand spanking new shiny WHITE boots. The man has no shame. "Just got them yesterday" he says, "I need to break them in". Hopefully they'll get muddied up sometime soon. The game gets underway with me in goal for about 25 minutes of the first half. That just about enough time to demonstrate my full ...