Sick As A Parrot

When you score a goal you have bagged one. When you get two goals in a game that's a brace. Three goals and it's a hat-trick and you get to take the match ball home. I've no idea what four goals scored in a game is called. This weekend I achieved none of the above so it's all rather academic. However I did do something which is possibly just as satisfying as scoring and I'll wager a large sum of someone else's wedge that Martin hasn't done this. Playing at right back I'm up against a technically superior and arguably quicker attacker. Let's call this fellow Jerry. Jerry beats me around the outside which at least is halfway decent defending on my part. Show the attacker the outside and don't let him get inside of you. If he has to go around the outside he has to cover more ground so you get a chance to catch him if he goes past you. So Jerry has gone haring around the outside and is bombing towards the goal. I turn to give chase and at some point ...

I didn't play on Sunday since Rosicky was injured and I wanted to wait by the phone in case Arsene Wenger called and needed to draft me into the squad. It's a long shot I know but you've got to have dreams and I'm sure he's an avid reader of this blog so is fully aware of my prowess on the field. Anytime Arsene mate, I'm ready to go. Seriously, give me a call. Given my absence Martin was supposed to file a report of the match and although I got the verbal report nothing in writing has been forthcoming which naturally casts doubt on the validity of what he told me. Supposedly we won 3 - 1, supposedly he scored and supposedly, and this is sheer brilliance on his part since it supplies the needed credibility to the report, he missed an absolute sitter from about three yards out. What puzzles me, as I'm sure it does you, is the consistency of his scoring when I'm not around. We've got two more games this season plus a pickup game this weekend and I'm...

It is often said that a good referee is one that you don't notice. Today I put in a performance that the greatest referee's would have been proud of. A picture of anonymity a portrait of invisibility. I arrived late due to a clash with telly. In a man vs. telly battle the telly always wins. It's one of the rare exceptions that mates allow another mate to stand them up. Worship at the temple of the CRT/LCD/Plasma has a dedicated following. In a woman vs. telly battle a man will side with a woman and then after a while (on average 2 mins) return to the telly. It's the laws of nature and you cannot deny them. Perhaps my general malaise was due to my late arrival but I couldn't get into the pace of game. I had barely arrived when I sub'd in for Fuad whose injury streak continues unabated. The score was 1 - 1 when I arrived and I missed seeing Martins equalizing goal. His goals are taking on the status of a falling tree in forest when no one is around or some other e...

I've been giving Martin grief for wearing white boots and this week I turned up in white shorts. Apparently this comes pretty close to a Sunday league footballing faux par. Thanks to Ryan for pointing that one out. Faux par excused Ryan set in a motion a chain of events that culminated in a once a season event. Ryan to Gui to Martin to me. Ok that's the supporting acts out of the way on to the main event. Taking the ball on my left side, just past the halfway line and slipping between two defenders, I made Martin's pass look great. In fact bearing down in a one-on-one situation with the keeper I made it look even better. Add to that a move to the right of goal thus giving me the angle to try to chip to the left (of the keeper) and now Martin's pass is looking like freaking gold. The keeper got a hand to the chip but it continued on towards the goal, along with me and the fast charging defender. The ball was basically over the line as I got there first to give it a final...