Sick As A Parrot

A game riddled with passes down the middle and chances going a begging. I stand guilty as charged for missing at least two bankers. One particular time he picked me out whilst I was making a diagonal run, sweeping past two defenders. The pass however smacked my ankles and his reasoning was that I ran too fast. Naturally the pass was perfect but it's still the first time, probably in all footy history, that a team mate has been accused of being too fast. He bellowed through most of the game like a rutting walrus. Afterwards I mentioned that I was playing up front so I didn't think I needed to charge back like a midfielder, every time they attacked. 'Oh' he says I thought you were playing central mid 'You should have told me'. 'What and deny you the opportunity to yell at someone'. The womens game on the next field distracted him during a throw in. "Too much junk in the trunk" he says, "But I wanted to get close enough to make sure". L...

So I send this email to Martin on the eve of our next game: 'Tuesday, 10pm, home dressing room, Stamford Bridge. Andriy Shevchenko is taking Michael Essien to task on his performance in the night's embarrassing 1-1 draw with Rosenborg. The former European footballer of the year tells Africa's finest midfielder that he tried to make too many passes through the centre of the Norwegians' formation where '70 percent of their players were'. Essien learns he should have been passing to the wings 'where they only had 30 percent of their men'. You are Essien And in response he sends back this message: Hey Sheva!, This clear disrespect for the Scottish-style game will cost you an "assist" tomorrow!, I may even elect to shoot from 12 yards out - rather than try to deliver a telling pass to you, only for you to pirouette yourself into the ground! This one needs to go on sickasaparrot.com! And Essien's a dirty bastard, which is what I like about the ...