When it goes down it goes down big and it goes down hard. Some might say there are none that go down better than Martin but that's a topic for another blog, and possibly not footballing related. Comments like that should ensure a higher hit rate with the search engines though.
When the two footballing giants of the modern era line up against each other it's more than bragging rights that are at stake. Now I'm not talking 'Rumble in the Jungle' level of intensity here, perhaps 'Mumble in the Mud' or 'Grumble on the Grass' but it's still big. You get one shot at taking down your arch rivals per season and this was the weekend it went down.
In the white corner: Martin 'Ladies Man', David 'The Rock' and Me 'No name' up against Paul 'Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea', James 'Hit man' and Phil 'Interesting'. If we could only win one game this season then this was the one.
Phil throwing off the shackles, and shunning this weekends nickname, turned up with the most enormous pair of shorts seen this side of Shaqs lunchbox. To prove his physically daunting presence over me, he lined up one of his size 20 boots against mine. Humiliated I was. You know what they say about big feet... yep big shoes...and these were big.
The first half gets underway and we have The Rock in goal, Martin in middle and I'm on the right of midfield. The tension is palatable and the two teams are locked in a finely balanced battle for supremacy. Finely balanced because Martin insisted on shooting in the same place every time. Perfect height and to the right of the goal. Eventually I swear the goalie just stood on that side and waited for the inevitable whenever he had the ball. "Hey Sherlock! how about trying the other side for a change?".
The big talking point of the half went down like this - and there are two versions to consider.
We get a free kick 10 yards inside our own half and Martin floats a cross towards the penalty box. Jamie flicks a header on as I'm making a diagonal run from deep towards the goal. Out pacing the defenders I'm left confronting their goal keeper who has come rushing out. I roll my foot over the bouncing ball and spin away giving the keeper no chance to get the ball or take me out. I don't even look because I know the ball is going to nestle the bottom left corner - where Martin should have been shooting - and it's 1 nil to us. Except the ref blows for offside - goal disallowed.
Version 2 - Lets call this the Phil version.
"Free kick comes over and before Jamie flicks it on you run into an offside position. Whilst everyone realizes this and hears the referee blow his whistle they stop playing, you being the cheating little so-and-so you are kick the ball past the keeper who couldn't even be bothered to attempt a save. Plus you should have been yellow carded for doing that!".
Readers you decide which version is the most accurate but remember this Phil is wearing enormous shorts so that must count for something.
After a gripping first half our defense finally yields and a bullet of a shot flies past the Rock at his near post. Unstoppable but we're a goal down. It was almost the last kick of the half and we trudged off a little demoralised. Should have been 3 -1 to us but for some profligate shooting - no names mentioned.
Second half was a stalemate and we knew it wasn't our day when Jamie was one-on-one with their keeper and after doing the hard part of rounding the keeper he proceeded to push the ball wide of the open goal.
When the two footballing giants of the modern era line up against each other it's more than bragging rights that are at stake. Now I'm not talking 'Rumble in the Jungle' level of intensity here, perhaps 'Mumble in the Mud' or 'Grumble on the Grass' but it's still big. You get one shot at taking down your arch rivals per season and this was the weekend it went down.
In the white corner: Martin 'Ladies Man', David 'The Rock' and Me 'No name' up against Paul 'Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea', James 'Hit man' and Phil 'Interesting'. If we could only win one game this season then this was the one.
Phil throwing off the shackles, and shunning this weekends nickname, turned up with the most enormous pair of shorts seen this side of Shaqs lunchbox. To prove his physically daunting presence over me, he lined up one of his size 20 boots against mine. Humiliated I was. You know what they say about big feet... yep big shoes...and these were big.
The first half gets underway and we have The Rock in goal, Martin in middle and I'm on the right of midfield. The tension is palatable and the two teams are locked in a finely balanced battle for supremacy. Finely balanced because Martin insisted on shooting in the same place every time. Perfect height and to the right of the goal. Eventually I swear the goalie just stood on that side and waited for the inevitable whenever he had the ball. "Hey Sherlock! how about trying the other side for a change?".
The big talking point of the half went down like this - and there are two versions to consider.
We get a free kick 10 yards inside our own half and Martin floats a cross towards the penalty box. Jamie flicks a header on as I'm making a diagonal run from deep towards the goal. Out pacing the defenders I'm left confronting their goal keeper who has come rushing out. I roll my foot over the bouncing ball and spin away giving the keeper no chance to get the ball or take me out. I don't even look because I know the ball is going to nestle the bottom left corner - where Martin should have been shooting - and it's 1 nil to us. Except the ref blows for offside - goal disallowed.
Version 2 - Lets call this the Phil version.
"Free kick comes over and before Jamie flicks it on you run into an offside position. Whilst everyone realizes this and hears the referee blow his whistle they stop playing, you being the cheating little so-and-so you are kick the ball past the keeper who couldn't even be bothered to attempt a save. Plus you should have been yellow carded for doing that!".
Readers you decide which version is the most accurate but remember this Phil is wearing enormous shorts so that must count for something.
After a gripping first half our defense finally yields and a bullet of a shot flies past the Rock at his near post. Unstoppable but we're a goal down. It was almost the last kick of the half and we trudged off a little demoralised. Should have been 3 -1 to us but for some profligate shooting - no names mentioned.
Second half was a stalemate and we knew it wasn't our day when Jamie was one-on-one with their keeper and after doing the hard part of rounding the keeper he proceeded to push the ball wide of the open goal.
Comments
I would like to suggest that you don't give fair credit to the Chelsea hardman tho', who was the goalkeeper in question rounded by Jamie before he shot wide. The tetchy interchange which followed suggests that Big Paul had come lumbering out of goal with no intention of playing the ball and every intention of playing Jamie into the swimming pool.
I think Jamie, seeing the onrushing Bull In Blue, pooped his pants and thus missed. If only his shorts were bigger.